Stubborn is Good

It is finished.

All the training, the stressing, the careful time management, the body break-down, the 2-a-days...and the endorphins, the rush, the accomplishment, the reward of crossing the finish line...over.

How did it go? How was it? I was asked these questions numerous times over this past week as I've recovered, both physically and mentally, from finishing the Ironman in St. George on May 1. I CAN say that I am glad I did the race; I cannot say, however, exactly how it went. Because I checked out. For the most part. Here is what I remember:

Enter the pre-dawn chill: me, armed with my yam and bag of gear (wetsuit, water, food, caps-2 for the cooooold water-, goggles, and BodyGlide), I boarded the bus to the start of the swim. I know I am going to meet 54 degree water; a deep-water, mass start; hoards of hopped-up triathletes; and long porta-potty lines. Yet, I am strangely happy and excited. The race had been lurking in the back of my mind for the entire year that had passed since I had signed up, not to mention the months of training my body and mind.

The bus ride was strange: every single seat had two people in it--except mine. No one sat next to me. I looked out the window at the dark sky as I ate my salted, buttered yam in near silence. The athletes around me zoned out, slept, meditated, or whatever they did for the 25-minute ride up to the reservoir. I kept my poker face on as my nerves keyed way up to redline.

Off the bus, to the bikes: my back tire needed air, I needed to use the porta-potty, I felt obligated to eat my yam, though I had no appetite whatsoever, and I couldn't find anyone I knew. My hubs finally found me and noted my look of focus-panic; he filed that one away for future reference. When I finally got all my stuff together, my body sausaged into my wetsuit, my two caps on, and my goggles situated, it was time to get into the water and wade/swim out to the start line.

6:58 a.m. and I suddenly noticed my safe bubble of two or three feet of swim space had been reduced to two inches. I looked around to exit right to a less crowded area, and BOOOOM! The starting cannon went off. Have you ever seen carp spawning? Flop, flop, slap, slap!? Well, that is what a deep-water, mass swim start of 2,000 amped-up, freezing athletes looks like. It was a collective thought of: "The sooner we start swimming, the sooner we can get out of this water!" Off we went.

All was well--if you consider mass chaos "well." A few minutes into it, I got a sharp whack to the head. 'No biggie,' thought I, 'I've been smacked before.' But then, it happened: one second I am swimming, the next, I was completely underneath another swimmer. 'Ah, roll out, roll out!' Water polo training kicked in, and I attempted an evasive maneuver. Alas, the swimmer stopped and began to tread water--with me underneath his (her?) foot. I was stuck! I could not get away for a couple of seconds. I looked up from 3 feet or so underwater and saw the water churning, the swimmers leaving me. And I panicked.

I have never panicked in the water. Ever. Yet, there I was, head barely breaking the surface, dry-heaving, hyperventilating, wild-eyed: a full-blown panic attack. I am a SWIMMER!! Swimmers do NOT panic in the water!! I very, very nearly called for a kayak rescue...and then I had a coherent thought. It went like this: "Really? REALLY??? You are going to quit NOW?? Seriously. You're not 10 minutes into this pinnacle event of physical and mental endurance, and you give it a measly ten minutes?!?! That is totally lame." Well, ok, then. I guessed the sooner I started swimming, the closer I'd be to the finish line. I figured I had about 2 miles to go. So, I swam. And swam. And swam.

When I got out, I was cold, incoherent, confused, and...did I mention cold? It took me a full 20 minutes to realize what I needed to do next and then actually do it (whereupon my hubs took it upon himself to worry about me; his two paramedic friends assuring him that I "did not look good at all.") I finally emerged from the transition tent, shivering, bike-gear-clad, confused; yet I managed to get on the bike and pedal. With teeth chattering, goosebumps an inch high, and food in my pocket, I began the ride.

For most of the next eight (yes, that says 8) hours, I checked out. I pedaled, ate, pedaled, peed, pedaled...well, you get the picture. I thought about everything and nothing. I noticed my surroundings, yet I was strangely detached. My body registered its complaints: stretch out back, use potty, get bum off seat (please! just for a minute!), put more sunscreen on: and still I pedaled. I saw the hubs, the children, and some good friends, and pedaled. One more turn of the crank was one closer to the finish line.

At nearly 5 o'clock in the afternoon, I peeled myself off of my bike. My bum was defeated after those 112 miles. A lovely volunteer took my bike, another helped me balance so I could get those dang bike shoes off (note: right foot asleep; tread lightly!), a third handed me the most clear, cold drink of water I have ever had. I got my oh-so-comfy running shorts on (good-bye bike shorts waistband!), laced up my running shoes, got some of those fabulous volunteers to put more sunscreen on, smooched the hubs, and I was off. Only (!) the marathon was left.

Running felt good. Oh, so good! I took some time to talk to my right foot (wake up! wake up! you have a job to do now! hold me up!!) and went off up the hill. I truly believe that the race organizers went out of their way to find every blinkin' hill in the area and then make sure our course covered them ALL as many times as possible! I believe they were trying to make us call, "Uncle, uncle! Ok! I give!" But, haha, it didn't work. I ran.

And ran. And, yes, you've guessed it: I ran. I ran up, I ran down. I was stinky, sweaty, sunburnt, and hungry for food that I could sit down and eat. I needed to fix my sock, but I knew that if I stopped to fix it--which would require sitting down--I may not have gotten up. Sitting sounded so NICE. (just not on a bike seat...) I did not sit. I ran. The sun went down; I ran. A hill: I ran. Another hill: still running. Took in bananas, chicken broth, water, larabars, about 1/8 of a gu, (yah, spit THAT out!); rinse and repeat. It got dark, so I turned on my bum light.

The last 6 miles: I got excited! Last round! Horse to the barn! I hit the last big uphill; up and over--ah, I can see the town! I can hear the finish line! They're still cheering! Oh, hurry, hurry! I checked back in. I felt the breeze, ran by the walkers, noticed the night sky (violet), and smiled.

10 o'clock. Bedtime. After 15 hours (and 3 minutes), I crossed the finish line intact. My mental state was alert; my body functioning. People cheered; I saw a sign with MY name on it. I heard the announcer's voice over the PA system: "Angie Goodwin, YOU are an IRONMAN!!!"

Yes. Yes, I am.

Personal Victories

AH, personal victories. What are those? I think they occur when we accomplish something that has been hanging over our head for some time, and one day: voila! Victory!

A few have come my way recently. Some I have worked for; some just seemed to "occur."

*a nagging ache around Faith's retainer seemed to be linked with careful toothbrushing-gone!

*my minivan has miraculously disappeared! (bon voyage, van!) -it has been replaced with a cute sort-of-little suv that has amazing air conditioning!

*hubs has found a great source of employment that he believes in enough to work for someone else -amazing!

*we have plans to go out of town for Spring Break!! yay! to a green, lovely place, no less :)

*I hit a PR on my 1/2 marathon time that has been eluding me for a few races now-a 1:45, which put me in the top 10% of my age group--this leads to the fact that:

*I am no longer a "mid-packer"--the bane of my running existence! haha! this is due to:

*my training for the race in a completely different way: I followed the CrossFit Endurance approach; this translates to training in 1/3 of my previous training time!

*Noah's 'tween angst seems to be on hold with the introduction to a (very carefully monitored) FB account-Mr. Happy is so entertained by playing with the tweaky camera on my laptop! He believes he is a very funny guy!

*I was finally able to string 5 pull-ups together in a workout the other day--nice! (I could do them before, just not in a row. I would have to drop off the bar every 2 or 3 before this.)

Why are these PERSONAL victories? Because they probably don't mean anything to anyone but ME. I feel great! :)

(now if I could just remember everyone's birthdays on their proper days, THAT would be awesome! [sorry, Cyn!])

And the Winner Is...

Yah, I won. I won the lean-out challenge our CrossFit gym held. I went ahead and went full-boar and lost the most body fat percentage of the people who participated in the challenge (there were around 25). I am actually surprised that I won because it didn't feel like the program required as much mental energy to lean out as it has in the past. I not only lost more % than all the women, but all the men as well. Originally, there was to be one grand prize winner, (which would been me, as I mentioned), but the trainers decided to have a men's winner as well as a women's. This sounds fair and good, right? Sure, until I found out that instead of the $210 that I won (hee hee, yippee!), I would have gotten about $450!!!!!

This sounds extremely self-serving, I know. After a slight twinge of "dang it!" I realized that I gained way more than $210. Like:

*body fat %: started @ 20.1, ended at 12.8 (holy cow, that is what I was in HIGH SCHOOL!)

*weight: before: 145.4; after: 137

*deadlift max: before: 205 lbs; after: 230 lbs.

*"Fran" time: before: 12:40; after: 10:23 ("Fran" is a CrossFit benchmark workout that consists of 21-15-9 reps of pull-ups and 65# thrusters, all done in the rep sequence as fast as possible; I still have a ways to go: one of our women trainers has a sub-4 minute time!!)

*diet: before: whatever, mostly clean eating; after/during/now: no grains, dairy, or sugar (except for special occasions, like the trifle birthday treat I made for our son Adam: yum!)

*mental toughness: before: ok, can do this; after: BRING IT ON, GRANDPA!!!!

*Dave lost several percentage points in body fat as well and eats cleaner than I do (read: he did not take a single indulgence meal on the 7-week challenge!!)

*my children eat more healthily as well, and: they LIKE it!

*my attitude towards food is much more balanced :)

*my training, even doubled for my preparation for the Ironman, feels doable. (I know, weird.)

These are my before and after pictures. I honestly thought I would "bulk up" doing something like this, but that hasn't been the case. Whew! So, with the money I won, I paid for my indoor bike trainer and intend to buy some pants that fit. I know my pants look funny all baggy, because, as I was getting ready for work the other day, Faith said, "Mom, are those Daddy's pants??" haha, that was a clue phone!

Anyway, yay for me. Let's see what else happens. I am hoping for survival of the Ironman next! Only 7 weeks to race day! ACK!!!

On My Way

I am nearly 4 weeks into this lean-out challenge and for the most part, it is going well. I have dropped 6.5 pounds and, while my main goal is not to lose weight, I am not minding it a bit. My main goal is to eat clean and be able to double-up on my training while keeping my family intact, my love life alive, my job secure, and my body injury-free. It's going well! Ironman, here I come!

Accomplishments:

*husband likes me, even though I am busy, busy!

*kids are up-to-date with their schoolwork (not a small thing)

*got the fastest time for the day in a CrossFit workout (first time EVER!! including the guys' times!!)

*did not falter even once on my eating goals (clean, clean, clean!)

*lesson plans turned in on time w/tests written

*got my bike trainer, got it set up, and rode it all in one evening!!

*ran hills at a 7% grade (I thought I was going to die.)

*went snowboarding with my fantastic nephew and didn't hurt myself!

*got more than 6 hours of sleep 6 out of 7 days (that is amazing for me)

*pants are too big

Not-so-great:

*need to return phone calls

*paid one bill late :(

*got a dressing down by my boss (it's all good)

*spaced off a meeting about a relay I am running in June

*son wore a dirty uniform shirt because I have been behind on laundry

*have a pile of papers to grade that is 2 inches thick

*pants are too big

I am enjoying the process of living and am looking forward to what each day brings. Tomorrow, I hope it is sleeping past 7 a.m. Happy weekend!

ps: burpees, my fave thing!

The Rain Has Gone

It is now Day 7 of the leaning challenge. I feel pretty good and am eating dead-on, with one small exception. Yesterday, I participated in a CrossFit competition where participants completed three workouts, spaced and hour or two apart, over the course of 6 hours or so. I was going to say, over the course of the day, but with my first one at 10:40 a.m., and my last workout at 2:30, it wasn't all day. Crazy.

The workouts included running, rowing, lifting stuff (like 75 lb. barbells) as often as you can for 90 second intervals, jumping on a box (24" high), more running, throwing a 14-lb medicine ball 8 1/2 feet up to a target on a wall (called 'wall balls'), swinging 35lb. kettlebells (this is a roundish-shaped weight with a handle on the top for swinging purposes), oh, and walking lunges for 50 meters, while holding a 25-lb plate over one's head. Then, more running...it makes me tired all over again just typing the exercises! I didn't come in last place, which was my goal, and I had a great time hanging out with my hubby and my fellow gym buddies.

Usually, after a heavy competition (triathlon, marathon, whatever), I reward myself with relaxation and FOOD! As I am trying to lean out, indulging in the food thing that usually includes a gooey ice cream treat wasn't an option. So I got a frozen yogurt from our local Red Mango and it was heavenly! The yogurt itself is frozen tart yogurt with the live cultures and non-refined sugar. Topping options include fruit, nuts, granola, some sweet cereals, coconut, and mochi. My flavor of choice last night: pumpkin spice with sliced almonds. Eating clean sure has changed my taste buds! It was plenty sweet and creamy!

Do these things really matter in life? Is all this CrossFitting and eating a particular way really something I need to worry about? Well, yes: it keeps me fit and strong and, I may add, keeps a certain level of sanity going in my life. Added to that are those elements of life that are key: my relationships with my husband and children, my connectedness to God, and finding ways to reasonably put all these things in order on a daily basis. Oh yeah, and I have a job too. Therefore, my focus is this: balancing priorities + keeping sanity = joy, fulfillment, and survival!

As my body leans out, I feel my focus coming into line as well. It is as if I needed to clean out the sugar-clutter of my brain to see what's going on. I can see clearly now... :)

ps. This is a picture of me & my sweet grandbaby, Lily. She was born on September 10, 2009!

If You've Got Time to Lean, You've Got Time to Clean!

The title of this post is actually a catch-phrase from the restaurant business, meaning: "You'd better not just be standing there while you're on the clock!" Which is how I feel about most things. If I'm just standing there, I may get run over and, well, life will just pass me by. It doesn't need me. But I need it!

It is Day One of the "Get Lean Challenge" our CrossFit gym is promoting. The Challenge consists of eating whole, real foods that are as close to their natural state as possible, including nuts, seeds, veggies, fruits, raw dairy products, good fats, and lean meats & proteins. If I could hunt and gather my food, so much the better. I also need to go to CrossFit regularly (duh), sleep as much as possible, and drink plenty of water. Doesn't this sound like a good idea, regardless? Shouldn't we all do this anyway?

I believe so. If I lived on a farm and grew all my own stuff, baled hay, raised animals, and did my own farm chores, I wouldn't feel like I need CrossFit either. The result of living an urban life is that I have to find ways to stay "in shape," which my ancestors would find baffling. My food choices as of late would cause these same ancestors to cringe. I feel the need to take action because I'm convinced that at some point, I am going to have to rely on myself, my family, and our strength and skills to survive. So I need to get to it.

Ok, the soap box is over. Wish me luck on the Challenge! Actually, send me energy, because that is what I am usually lacking! haha!

The Work Is Cut Out

I have decided that I need a farm. I need to grow stuff. I'd like to raise animals. I keep dreaming of green places. Is the Utah winter getting to me? Perhaps, yet I'd like to think of this thought process as a clue phone to finding a balance between work and play. 

R-r-r-r-i-ing! R-r-r-r-i-ing! (says the clue phone)

"Hello?" I answer.

"Yes, this is your life calling. Stop running in circles and do something. Find a patch of earth and grow stuff. Bring your family to green pastures."

"Uhm, ok. Let me figure this out. Give me a little time."

"Yah. Don't take too long! Your children are growing and they need this." (clue phone rings off)

 

Can this bring sustenance and fulfillment in a worldy sense, yet in a spiritual sense as well? I'm looking into it...wish me luck. I've got a lot to do. 

Well, now.

I must say, I am a lame blogger. It has been several months since I posted, even though I thought for sure I would get to this more often. Let's just say a few things have changed since July. Then again, a few have not...

1. I do not teach first grade anymore. In November, I was moved to the middle school when another teacher had to move because her husband got transferred. So, now I teach 6th, 7th, & 8th grade literature, composition, and grammar. I also teach 8th grade economics and US history. I teach a combined speech/debate class for these grades as well. It has been a good move for me and I am really enjoying my classes. I don't know if Noah is as happy, as I am now his teacher for a few subjects! 

2. I am an avid CrossFitter and have allowed running to take a back seat in my overall fitness goals. I am still running 3 times a week, and I admit that my priority is my CrossFit workout each day. I am soooo much stronger, both physically and mentally, and have leaned out a bunch without really changing my eating. Plus, I can do pull ups! 

3. I am a grandma. Yes, it is true. Little Lily Ann Goodwin was born in September and is a lovely addition to our family. It is so much fun to spoil her with loves and new dresses! hee hee! When she grows up a bit, I will ply her with sugar and send her home with annoying electronic toys!

Things that are the same: I am still planning on doing the Ironman in May, we still live in American Fork, my children are all healthy & happy and doing well in their areas, and I am still at Challenger School.  

My challenges for the next few months are to get enough sleep to be a decent (even good!) wife & mom, to stay on top of things at work (it sure takes longer to grade compositions for 8th grade than it did for 1st grade!), and to get training time in for that Ironman.  Can I do it? Yah, sure! Why not??

What I've Learned Recently...

I have to say that this won't be a comprehensive list, but I do have a few things I'd like to share. Here goes:

1. If your socks get eaten by your shoes, but you don't want to stop to fix them because you are running quite smoothly and nicely and things just seem so right (other than the socks, of course), stop and fix them anyway. Blisters are terrible things when you've still got 4 miles to go!

2. When something is bothering you, say so. If you can't make yourself say so, don't let it bother you. Easier said than done, I assure you, but it is soooo worth the effort!

3. A time may come, perhaps, when you need something. I believe there are two options on this one.  You can (a) figure it out, or (b) ask for help directly.  So, if you cannot bring yourself to ask for help, you have the other option. If you cannot figure it out, really and truly, then by all means, ask. The worst thing that can happen is that the person you ask will say no.  Not the end of the world. Bonus: both options are better than just staring at said person until they guess what it is that you need.

4. Just because a person can run marathons does not necessarily mean one is in shape. Things like pull-ups (even jumping ones), burpees, and deadlifts can bring tears to the eyes!

5. Root beer kombucha is gross.

Well, that is about the size of it.  This may not mean anything to anyone else but me, but I am so okay with that!

P.S. Classic picture: Dave & I on our honeymoon, 13 1/2 years ago! Go us!!!!

I'm Sore!

Oh my! I know that people work out all the time, and people do lots of hard things that make them tired. But I gotta tell you, I did a new kind of workout on Monday and I am STILL sore. The bummer is that the parts that are sore are the ones I use all the time! Yah, it's true: my arms and shoulders are dead. Still.

Writing on the whiteboard at school. Ack. Pulling staples out of the bulletin board. Wince! Putting on sunscreen. Yikes...and all I did were a few push-ups, dips and fake muscle-ups! And now, I am a doddering old lady! That means I am out of shape in more ways than I care to admit! 

Today, we did front squats. Dave called my workout "an old, fat man's workout." So, I guess my new persona is an old, fat man. 'Cause it kicked my bum. Literally!  So, now, besides my arms, shoulders, triceps, biceps, and RIBS being sore, add to that my bum, quads, and hamstrings! I stumbled around today, running into things and moving ever so slowly.  But here's the weird part: I want to go back for more!!  

YAH!

BRING IT ON, GRANDMA!! (that's me, by the way. In just a few months now!!)

Oh, wait! I am an old, fat MAN, remember???? So, 

BRING IT ON, GRANDPA!!

(tee hee!)

ps. that is me, on my wedding day, in 1995. How does one go from that to an old, fat man? I ask you...

I've Returned....

Well, well, well.  After over a year of silence, I have finally decided that I shall once again post! I know you all may have lost faith in me, but this year has been a constant stream of upheavals and transitions. I'm not done with all of that, believe me, but the time has come to stop putting off the inevitable, suck it up, and tell my news.

It is funny, now that I have started in again and people have long since asking me if/when I am going to update my blog, I don't feel like I have much to say.  Yet, when I start thinking of the year that I have had, I realized that I have accumulated all sorts of new random facts and ideas.  Here are a few:

1. 99% of preschoolers pick their noses openly.  While staring straight into your eyes.

2. The picking of said noses does NOT indicate boredom or spite. It simply means that the picker simply wants his/her nose free of obstructions.

3. Throwing up on one's preschool teacher does not lead to embarrassment of the vomiter. It leads to endearment and trust of the vomitee.  This I know from personal experience.

4. Going back to work after 12 years of at-home mommy-ing makes one slightly grouchy and tired.  But we all get used to it! It is kind of like when we send our children to all-day school for the first time, and for a couple of weeks, they need naps again.

5. Children say hilarious things all the time, if you're listening.

6. First grade children can do lots more things that 3-year-olds, and, for the most part, with the same amount of innocence.  Bonus:  they still like picture books and to be read to in silly voices.

7. It is somewhat funny (to me) when your own (usually older) children start making their own life choices, and then HAVE TO LIVE WITH THOSE CHOICES.  My favorite:  "I think our rent is too much! We still have to pay it, right?" 

8. Weddings are fun when you get there, but not as much fun to do the legwork to get ready for one!  (PS: the "perfect" orange colour is ever so elusive!!!)

I realize I am starting to ramble, but there is so much to say now that I have gotten going!  Stay tuned for updates on the upcoming grandma-hood that I am about to embark upon, and the Ironman that I, in a state of temporary insanity, have signed up for (luckily, I have a year to lament/train).  Love to you all!!!!!

Anj

Thoughts on Settling...

Well, well, we are once again dog owners.  I really like the idea of having a dog, especially if only to satisfy the deep yearning of Faith's for said dog.  She really wanted a puppy, but after several questions, we found that what she really wanted was a small dog, not necessarily a puppy.  Most often puppies start out small and cute-like, and then grow up (which I prefer).  But what Faith had in mind was something small that she could, say, carry.  Like a doll.  

However, Daisy has other ideas.  She is an independent little dog that is very friendly, but not as cuddly as Faith had hoped.  Daisy does like to take a lot of walks, which suits Faith just fine. But she is not completely house-trained and she has this annoying habit at barking at anyone who is under four feet tall.  So, if we go to the park, she just goes into this small-people-barking-frenzy, which drives me mad.  

Having a dog makes us feel settled.  Like we live here or something.  Which I will have to come to terms with, sooner rather than later.  I am making progress:  I go to the gym, I have made plans with various members of my family and old friends, I drive the speed limit on the freeway (instead of under the limit!), I have a mailing address, a library card and frequent customer card at the local health food store.  Am I a local now?

When we lived in Hawaii, we were never considered locals.  We wouldn't have even if we lived there for 20 years!  Being a local means you have to have been born there, whether Polynesian or not.  Living there long-term merely bestows the title "transplant" and that is just that.  In Utah, however, no one cares about that kind of thing.  You either live here or you don't.  You can say you came from another place, as in:   "I've just moved here from Hawaii" or "I grew up in California" but the simple fact of the matter is it just doesn't matter.  We may want it to, perhaps to differentiate ourselves from our neighbours or ward members, but it really doesn't. 

Either you live in Utah or you don't.  And if you do, you better like what it has to offer or suffer:  it is our very own decision!  hahahahahaaaaaaa (evil laughter trailing off into the distance...)  

Back on the Mainland Again...

Well, we are now living in Utah.  I know, I know, I have been talking about this forever, and I was accused by several people that we were never really moving.  But we did.  And now we live here.

But where is here?  We are, so far, homeless.  We are camping out at Dave's parents' house, en route to a new (to us) home.  Where will we land?  What does the future hold for us?  Will my children be happy?  What is going to happen, for heaven's sake?!?!

Ever since we have been talking to the children about moving to Utah, we have promised Faith a dog when we got a new house in Utah.  Now, what do you think Faith talks about, day in and day out?  A dog, a puppy,  or any combination thereof.  We have looked at several pet stores, searched every pet adoption website in the area.  Last night, Faith came moping upstairs well after she had been put to bed, crying about how she cannot possibly fall asleep without her puppy!  She truly and honestly meant the puppy that we do not actually have yet!  Yikes!

So, with a house and a new neighbourhood, we will also have a puppy.  Or a dog.  Or whatever.  I am happy to get her that one thing, after all this up and down, back and forth, transitions and camping out.  If that is all it takes, for her, for now, I am all for it.  

Plus, I like dogs!  Life is wuff...

ps. Nothing to do with the post, but this picture is from our hike out to Kaena Point, which is the northern-most point of the island of Oahu.  In the background are monk seals, which come up on the shores of the island to rest.  Faith is always overjoyed to see animals; any kind will do...  

Odds and Ends

Moving day is nearly here and I am livin' it up in Hawaii!  Saturday, we all went to the zoo in honolulu.  The zoo here is great--nice, small, and cheap!   Something I have really enjoyed about Hawaii is the discount locals get here.  Well, I am not actually considered a local, but I do have local ID, so I still get the discount!  This is called the Kama'aina rate.  

But I did not log in to talk about Kama'aina.  I want to talk about the revitalizing aspects of the ocean, of change and of epiphanies that come out of nowhere.  Actually, I don't want to talk about these things, I just wanted to mention that they exist and that I am reaping the benefits of said revitalization.

I just came off the beach after a run and a short meditation and have realized that I am going to need to get back to the ocean whenever possible.  I have always known this about myself, really, but it is living so close to the water and now having to leave it has made me really become aware of my connection to the sea.  I often seek out water, whether it be a lake, a river, a really big bathtub, but it is the ocean that is my home!

So here I sit, in my bare home on my next-to-last day in Hawaii, with sand between my toes, thinking of the adventures that our move back to the mainland will bring.  I sit here with the realization that I will need to come back to the ocean someday soon.  And guess what?  It will be waiting for me, here or at any seashore, faithfully and without expectation or regret.   

Namaste, Aloha and I love you!  

 

Promising Progress...

Denial.  

No, it is not a river, but rather the state I am in right now.  You may be thinking of my last post, in which I was lamenting our imminent move.  But that is not it.  Not the idea of the move itself--it is the move-"ing" of stuff, as in clean, sort, pack, load, camp out for a few weeks, unload, unpack, wonder why I brought this crap, clean again, sort again, settle part that I am in denial about.  Oh, and in between (during the camping phase), we find the actual place in which we unload said stuff.  I am merely hesitating to start that crazy process.  

And, while I have your attention, it must be said that while part of me is sad to leave such a lovely place, I am finally in a position to be OK with the move.  In fact, better than OK:  good.  I know, I know, but this past week has been a huge eye-opener for me.  I spent the week attending a course on the philosophy of yoga.  Let me tell you, it is not what you imagine!  It was absolutely amazing.  While not going nuts on the subject, even though I am tempted, I will say that my faith in my faith has grown exponentially while learning about yoga as the non-sectarian spiritual practice that it truly is.  I learned the proper definitions of words that, through the "dumbing-down" of Eastern spirituality, have become so convoluted that almost everyone I know has got them wrong.  I was one of those people, but no more!  

At the very least, this experience will enhance my yoga teaching when I return to that venue. But even better, it has strengthened my relationship with Jesus Christ and my resolve to follow His example and do His work.  Weird, huh?  Who knew?!  All this time, we thought yoga was just really great exercising and breathing, right?  There is more to it than that!  I knew there was a deeper level to yoga--it would be hard to practice for any length of time and not pick up on that somehow.   But the fact that it is possible (and even necessary) to embrace the spiritual aspects of yoga in my quest to return from whence I came is incredible.   Amazing. Wonderful.  Crazy.  Stupefying.  Exciting!     

So, off I go to the mainland.  Whatever happens, happens.  I am just going with it because it is ridiculous to not.  I mean, why spend all that energy and thought on something I cannot and do not want to change?  I can only change my reaction to the move to a response.  Here it is: Bring it on, universe.  I've got my head on straight.  Finally.   

p.s. thanks, Mom, for the photo!

Ready or Not, Here We Come!

Well, it has happened.  Plans for our move back to the mainland are under way.  I knew this a few weeks ago, but I think in the back of my head there was this idea that if I didn't post about the move, it too would pass.  Nope.

I have been so busy trying to figure out how to fit in all the chores required for an across-the-sea-move before our March 27 departure, that I didn't realize how incredibly bummed I am to leave this place.  Like, really bummed.  I was trying to fall asleep last night, visions of the 'to-do' list dancing in my head, when it occurred to me that I was SAD and I wanted to CRY. So I did.  My being sad is why I have been so slow in deciding what goes in the garage for the yard sale and what will be collected into boxes for the ship ride to Utah.

Please, do not pity me.  (I pity myself enough! :)) I do think that this is the best thing for our family right now.  Our Bigs (the older boys) are happy to have us come back.  Not having family ties at all here has been a bit challenging, which actually came as a surprise to us. 

It has been really great living in the islands for so many reasons.  I know I make lists often, so I will refrain, but do know that besides the marginal (at best) public education and the incredible lack of ambition that abounds here, (and the $7-per-gallon milk!) living here in Hawai'i has been one of the best ideas that we have followed through to the end!  Our little family has grown closer, our older boys have grown up, our faith has deepened and we know that, together, we can get through anything.

With the time we have left here, we intend to enjoy the temperate climate, the clear blue water, the soft sand beaches and our good friends' company.  I plan on giving myself a lovely good-bye luau, complete with traditional foods, under an EZ corner at the nearby beach park.  I might even dance a hula and give out leis, if I so choose.  Just to let you know, you are all invited!

ALOHA!!

The Heebs

I just had a truly harrowing experience.  I had planned to post about the incredible (to me) run that I had this morning, but instead, I need to tell you about coming face to face with a fear of mine:  creepy-crawlies.

Yes, it is true, folks, I do not like things that may creep up on me and crawl on me with their little, gross legs.  Or, in this case, big gross legs.  I was getting a bit of a chill after my run this morning, so I decided to get into the shower.  As I was closing the shower curtain, I thought I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.  Yes!  There is was--a huge spider!  I am not talking an exaggerated-ly big spider, I am talking about an actual huge spider.  One that was so big, when I finally got the thing sprayed down the tub, IT WOULD NOT FIT DOWN THE DRAIN!  It sat there, partially out of sight, with two of its disgusting legs clinging to the edge of the drain stopper, all stubborn-like, just waiting for me to close my eyes while I rinsed my hair to jump out and try to escape.  Which happened.  OooooooooH!

After that, I kept my eyes glued to that thing while I rinsed my hair, soaped up, washed my face and got the conditioner out of my hair.  Yes, I got two different kinds of soap in my eye, but it was worth it!  I stared that thing down and it stayed there, at the drain, waiting for me to leave. I had major adrenaline going the entire shower!  Now, 15 minutes later, I am writing this and can barely get my granola down because I still have the heebs.  So unfair.

I have decided that large spiders, cockroaches, and crickets freak me out, not because I think they are going to EAT me, but because they are so pickin' unpredictable!  THAT is was gets me--I never know where the little buggers are going to GO, whether it is up my leg or far away to the corner.

Anyway, enough of that.  I need to get my breakfast down.  And then go see if that darn spider is still stuck in my drain.  It better not be...

The Heebs

I just had a truly harrowing experience.  I had planned to post about the incredible (to me) run that I had this morning, but instead, I need to tell you about coming face to face with a fear of mine:  creepy-crawlies.

Yes, it is true, folks, I do not like things that may creep up on me and crawl on me with their little, gross legs.  Or, in this case, big gross legs.  I was getting a bit of a chill after my run this morning, so I decided to get into the shower.  As I was closing the shower curtain, I thought I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.  Yes!  There is was--a huge spider!  I am not talking an exaggerated-ly big spider, I am talking about an actual huge spider.  One that was so big, when I finally got the thing sprayed down the tub, IT WOULD NOT FIT DOWN THE DRAIN!  It sat there, partially out of sight, with two of its disgusting legs clinging to the edge of the drain stopper, all stubborn-like, just waiting for me to close my eyes while I rinsed my hair to jump out and try to escape.  Which happened.  OooooooooH!

After that, I kept my eyes glued to that thing while I rinsed my hair, soaped up, washed my face and got the conditioner out of my hair.  Yes, I got two different kinds of soap in my eye, but it was worth it!  I stared that thing down and it stayed there, at the drain, waiting for me to leave. I had major adrenaline going the entire shower!  Now, 15 minutes later, I am writing this and can barely get my granola down because I still have the heebs.  So unfair.

I have decided that large spiders, cockroaches, and crickets freak me out, not because I think they are going to EAT me, but because they are so pickin' unpredictable!  THAT is was gets me--I never know where the little buggers are going to GO, whether it is up my leg or far away to the corner.

Anyway, enough of that.  I need to get my breakfast down.  And then go see if that darn spider is still stuck in my drain.  It better not be...

Wha? I have to do, like, stuff?

I am tired today.  I do not know why, but what I would really like to do is go back to bed for a couple of hours, get up and eat hot buttered toast, play a few songs on Guitar Hero (more on that later), take a walk on the beach, take another nap, do some yoga and then eat some homemade macaroni and cheese.  Bed by 8pm, perhaps.

But no, it is a work day.  By this, I mean a workout-homeschool-errands-pay-bills-children's-lessons-in-town-make dinner-for-everyone-and-perhaps-their-dog-as-well-visit-teach-mow-lawn-show-house-and-take-care-of-sick-husband-day...so far, I have accomplished the first one, but only part of the next and nothing else.  I did veer a little off the path and make a cup of hot cocoa with my fabulous Dagoba cocoa powder, which was quite lovely.

So, I will take it an hour at a time.  Perhaps some magic person will come along and do my stuff for me.  But that is not going to happen, so I will, as my friend Heather would say, "nut up" and do it myself.   And perhaps make it to bed by 10.  That will do.

It might be an ice cream night...

ps. this is me at Andrew's wedding reception--I was much more energetic that day!!

The Goods

I know, I know.  It has been forever.  But now that I have been home for over a week, I feel I can do a list that has been formulating in my mind with a better perspective.  I'll call it "Goods on Hawaii, Goods on Utah".  Here goes, and not in any particular order, I might add:

Hawaii:

1.  the climate (duh)

2.  the view from my makai (oceanside) deck and from my mauka (mountainside) deck

3.  great running buddy

4.  beach--perfect for walking, running, playing, heading out to swim & surf

5.  home schooling

6.  driving along the North Shore

7.  slow pace of life

8.  fresh, local produce year-round

9.  wearing a pa'u skirt and dancing hula in the kitchen with Sis

10.gorgeous mountains--the fuzzy kind

Utah:

1.  gorgeous mountains--the rugged kind

2.  great running climate--nice and cold

3.  accessibility to family, friends and Target

4.  land space to spread out

5.  the ability to take a different running or biking route every time you head out

6.  the gym

7.  cheap groceries (!)

8.  road trips

9.  an accessible time zone

10.Sam, Adam, Andrew and Candace--my babies (birthed and borrowed)

Many of you know (as if "many" read this blog!) that we are planning to move back to the mainland this year.  On a recent trip to Utah, I became determined to see however much good that could come from such a move as possible.  I refuse to be known as the negative type, so off to the goods it is!

(wish me luck!)